A First Kiss
by AdmHawthorne
Summary: From a tumblr prompt: A while ago there was a Rizzles street kiss pic on TUMBLER. How did they get there? Did Jane run back outside to sweep Maura into their first kiss? Did Jane run and Maura went after her?


**Tumblr Prompt from an Anon: A while ago there was a Rizzles street kiss pic on TUMBLER. How did they get there? Did Jane run back outside to sweep Maura into their first kiss? Did Jane run and Maura went after her?**

**Characters aren't mine. They belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro, Turner Broadcasting, Warner Brothers, and other assorted important people. I gain nothing from writing these stories but the fun of doing it. Please don't sue me.**

* * *

Nothing ever seems to really go Jane's way. This last incident was just one link in a chain that was starting to become way heavier than she ever wanted to try to carry. Today's link was forged when she and Casey had a very stilted and very heated discussion over how ridiculous it was that he wouldn't let her in.

She didn't care that he was semi-paralyzed. Whether or not he could "feel" her wasn't important to her, and she knew he was blowing smoke when he, once again, went back to the whole "I want to be able to give you children" thing. That was enough for her. She was tired of having the same conversation over and over again and always being shut out.

If he loved her as much as he said he did, then he should trust her just as much, which meant he should let her in. Why wouldn't he let her in? Who does that? Who pushes away someone who clearly loves them and simply wants to be there for them because of their pride? Why would you do that?

Maybe it was a male pride thing? Maybe it was the PTSD? She didn't know, and she hated herself for finally having enough and, with a shout and door slam, she'd finally agreed to leave Casey 100% alone until he was "ready", whatever that meant.

It was late, the sun was setting, and she found herself walking from her parking space a few blocks down the road to her apartment. The longer she thought over her last incident with the man who supposedly loved her, the more frustrated she became. After making it to the third floor, stomping around her apartment to change into jeans and ratty Red Sox t-shirt, and finding Jo's leash, she tried to think of something else while actually walking her little dog.

The problem, of course, was that her mind was fixated on the current problem. Despite herself, she continued to roll around every single piece of information she knew about both her and Casey, and her mind refused to stop trying to piece everything together to make it all make sense. It's what made her a great detective, but, in the personal life department, that same need to make things make sense often cost her.

Now was a good example of a time where it was costing her. She wasn't on call this weekend. It was Friday. She should be trying to relax. She should go see one of the movies that she's been trying to go see for a while or rent one a movie or go out for a drink with some friends or go toilet paper Casey's car.

She stopped at her stoop and laughed at herself. What was she? 16? Besides, there'd be nothing worse than having to come back a couple of hours later and help clean it all off. There were just too many reasons to count as to why karma said she probably shouldn't TP Casey's car. Still, she really needed to do something, and she knew that staying at her place would mean watching something like Law & Order or NCIS reruns while eating what was left of the tub of ice cream that'd been in her freezer for a few months.

She shuddered as she opened her apartment door and let Jo loose again. She really should throw that tub of ice cream away. Maura had been hounding her about it for weeks now.

Maybe Maura was free? It was worth a shot. Sure, Maura was a person who kept an active social life, but maybe she could talk her best friend into scratching her plans and spending some much needed BFF time with Jane. Anything was worth a shot.

Maura's phone rang once, and the doctor's voice sounded lackadaisical. "Hi Jane."

"Hey Maura, are you busy?" Jane, however, sounded tense, almost nervous.

"I'm trying to catch on some light reading. I have a few medical journals I've been meaning to look over for the past couple of weeks, and I wanted to at least get started on the latest mystery novel by that author I told you about a couple of days ago. Why?" Maura waited just a half beat before adding. "I thought you were with Casey tonight. What's happened?"

"A lot." The dark haired brunette sighed. "Can I come over? I don't think I want to talk about it, but I don't think I want to be alone tonight, you know? I mean, maybe I want to talk about. I probably should, but I don't want to just weigh you down, either." She grunted. "Casey and I had another fight, and, honestly Maura, I don't know if I made the right call tonight."

"It sounds like quite a bit really did happen." Over the line, Jane could hear Maura start to move around. "Of course you can come over. You know I'm here for you if you need me. I'll go make up the guest room. Have you eaten?"

The detective looked over to her pup, who was staring attentively at her while standing next to the door, leash in mouth. "Well, Jo and I were thinking of finishing off that ice cream that's in the freezer..."

"Don't touch that. I've told you for three weeks now to get rid of that. Jane, it's not any good. You'll get sick. Come over, bring Jo, don't forget to feed Watson before you leave, and I'll make use a chicken and walnut salad with a light vinaigrette. You've got to start taking better care of yourself."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Okay Mom, I'll take care of it. Do you need me to bring anything?"

"Just you, Jane. I've got everything else here. I'll see you in a few minutes." Maura called out loudly to keep Jane from hanging up. "Actually, yes, you can bring something."

"Okay, shoot."

"Bring The Birdcage. I don't know about you, but I think I'm in the mood to watch something light."

"I can do that. Want me to bring Clue, too?" Jane was already pulling the movies from her collection.

"Yes, please."

With a chuckle, Jane ended the call and went packing and feeding her tortoise.

* * *

"It sounds to me," Maura said after swallowing the last of her dinner, "that Casey isn't ready to be in a relationship yet."

"Is it me?" Jane whined. "Is there something wrong with me? Is it the PTSD? Is it because he's got some messed idea of how men should be and, because he can't get it up, he doesn't think he's a man so he can't be with me? What is it, Maura? I just don't get it."

"I really don't know, Jane. It could be any number of reasons including in and/or all of the ones you've listed. Though, I must admit that his reasoning regarding wanting to give you children is questionable at best. Just because he's paralyzed doesn't mean he's infertile."

"I know." In a sweeping motion, Jane stood, picking up the used dishes and heading to the sink to begin washing them. "I think he's blowing smoke and there's something else going on that he's not telling me. But, I have to admit, it's getting harder and harder for me to stay true to him when he keeps pushing me away. How do you stay loyal to someone who lets in you every now and again but, most of the time, pushes you away and is bitchy about it?"

"Patience and understanding are useful," Maura commented quietly. "Knowing and understanding that the person had gone through many and varied extraordinary circumstances that have all been very traumatic and have caused them to build the walls they have is also helpful. When you're dealing with someone who feels the need, either because of their job, their personality type, or both, to always present a strong, unyielding exterior, you have to be able to look past their facade to what it is they are likely dealing with on a personal level."

"Yeah? And how do you do that? Someone that's as closed off as Casey isn't going to be an easy nut to crack, you know? It's not like you can walk up to them and be like, 'Hi. I care about you, and I want you to know you can trust me, so you can talk to me and let me be there for you because I'm not going to leave you." Jane snorted. "Yeah, that'll work because words are exactly what's needed in situations where people aren't listening."

"Mocking me isn't going to make Casey any more accessible." Maura began to try the dishes and put them away. "It simply takes time to build that level of trust." She hesitated in her task for a moment as she considered her next words carefully. "It takes time, trust, shared experiences, love, and caring."

"And both parties willing to accept both from each other." Pulling the plug to drain the water, Jane began to clean out the sink and wash her hands. "It's like having an addiction. The first step is to admit you have a problem. The next step is to decide you need to do something about, and the step after that is to actually do something. Casey is around step 1.5. He knows what's wrong with him, and he's sort of at a point where he can admit he's got to take some kind of action, but that's as far as it goes."

"You've thought about this a lot." Maura frowned. "How many discussion with Casey have you had about this?"

"Too many, which is why tonight was the kicker. I went over there to just be his friend." Jane held her hands up in a show of innocence. "His friend, and, from the time I got there until I left, all he did was clam up and push me away. He asked me to come over, and then he acted like he didn't want me to be there, so, this time, I told him that he gets his wish. I'm not talking to him until he decides to talk to me. I'm not that hard to find."

The honey brunette nodded. "That's probably one of the mentally healthier options to take at this point." She leaned against the cabinet and crossed her arms as she watched her best friend pace her kitchen's floor.

"I mean, is it too much to ask? To be friends and," Jane stopped, the words caught in throat. Too many years of Catholic training had made certain phrases almost unspeakable. Clearing her voice, she tried again. "And lovers?" She sort of spit the last word out. "Why can't we hang out together on our days off and support each other on our off days and watch stupid movies together and listen to the other one rant about silly things when they're frustrated and support each other and just," she stopped pacing and let out a frustrated huff, "be there for each other?"

"I assume," Maura's face was blank of emotion, voice lightly sympathetic, "you've spoken to him about all of this?"

"Yeah, of course I have, and that's when we start fighting. It's not like I'm saying I want to marry the guy..."

"Do you?" Maura tilted her head to the side in consideration.

"I," Jane stumbled, the groove of her rant thrown off. "I used to think I knew, but, honestly?" She ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know anymore. I mean, with how he's been acting, I'm not really sure I do. I mean, I love him. I do, but, at the same time, I don't like how he's treating me. If he loved why like he says he does, then why is he treating me like this? I'm more than a thing that could possibly give him children, you know? I'm a person, and, sometimes... sometimes I just don't feel like he sees me as anything more than just a girl, and I hate that."

"I know you." Pushing off of the counter, Maura opened the fridge to pull out a beer for her friend. "I hate that, too. You're so much more than someone to have sex with. You're a complex person, filled with a lot of very extraordinary experiences which make you all the more unique. Casey isn't the only one dealing with trauma."

"Hey," Jane picked the beer up from where Maura had placed it and pointed the bottle's neck toward the doctor. "I'm not crazy. The BPD shrinks always give me a clean bill of health."

"I didn't say you were. I said you've also had to deal with a lot of trauma in your life, and, in that respect, the two of you are the same. Maybe it's your similarities that intimidate him." Maura shrugged. "Jane, you're not an individual anyone should ever treat with anything less than respect. You're a good person, and, though I know I've encouraged this relationship with Casey, I don't like how it's hurting you. You deserve better."

"Now you sound like me," the detective smirked. "Remember when I told you that you deserved better than Rockmond?"

"Yes, and you were correct. Unfortunately, I had to find out the hard way how correct you were. I would rather you not have to go through another traumatic event in your life to find out that Casey isn't right for you." With a heavy sigh, Maura glanced out her kitchen window. "You know, I think I need to take a walk. Can you and Jo get the movie ready?"

Jane blinked in confusion at Maura's sudden shift in mood. "Yeah, sure. Are you okay? I didn't make you angry, did I?"

"No, you didn't. I just need to take a moment to... think about a few things." With a small, but not very reassuring smile, Maura headed for the front door, picking up her house key on the way out and locking the front door behind her.

"Crap." Jane looked down to her dog. "What just happened here?"

* * *

As Jane began to set things up for their first movie of the night, her mind latched onto the events of the past hour. She went over and over the conversation they'd had in the kitchen, and then her mind began replaying the rants she'd had earlier in the day regarding her and Casey's relationship.

Bits and pieces overlapped each other, and her mind began to pull parallels between her relationship with Casey and her relationship with Maura. At first, she was annoyed with herself. The two things seemed very disconnected from each other, and she wanted her brain to shut up and leave her alone so she could actually enjoy the movie with Maura. She just wanted to hang out with Maura and watch a movie.

She stopped mid-motion and slowly sank to the bright green and white polka dotted sofa. She wanted to spend time with Maura. She always wanted to spend time with Maura because Maura got her. She understood her. She was patient with her and had come to understand from where Jane's mood swings came and why they happened.

The more she thought about it, the more Jane realized that all the things she wanted with Casey she had with Maura, but the only problem was, of course, that she and Maura weren't attracted to each other.

Right?

She looked around her, taking the house that was the home to her mother and practically her home as well. She looked at everything surrounding her and knew where each thing came from, the meaning behind it, and why it was important to Maura. She knew everything about Maura, things about the other women that, even with boyfriends, Jane hadn't bothered to care about in another person.

Why?

And why had Maura left for a walk? She was clearly upset, but why?

Running a hand over her mouth and down her chin, Jane closed her eyes. She knew why. She might be slow on the uptake, but her detective's intuition was rarely wrong.

"Jo, Bass," she stood and walked over to her keys. "Watch the place and don't start the movie without us." Closing the door behind her and locking it with her key, she headed in the direction she knew Maura had taken for her moment's peace.

* * *

"Maura!" She saw the other woman walking down the sidewalk on the other side of the street from her. She was clearly coming back home from her constitutional.

"Jane?" Maura paused, stopping before she crossed the street. "What's wrong?"

The lanky woman dismissed the concern with a wave of her hand. Looking both ways, she hastily headed across the street. "Nothing's wrong. I just had to find you."

The doctor followed, crossing from her side to meet with Jane to head back toward the house. "I didn't think I took that long..."

"You didn't, but I did." Jane stopped them both, not caring that they were in the middle of the street. Clasping her hands on the smaller woman's shoulders she looked down into the quizzical eyes looking back at her. "I think I get why you needed to take a moment just now, and I'm sorry I didn't see it earlier. I think I've just been scared, you know?"

Oblivious to where they had stopped in their walk and more than a little concerned for her friend, Maura could only shake her head and reply, "I don't understand."

"You know how we keep making really bad jokes about being attracted to each other?" Jane gave a little smirk. "I think we do it so we don't have to actually talk about the fact that we are really attracted to each other, and I think, maybe, it's time to stop."

"I," Maura narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, trying to get her brain to catch up. "But you and Casey..."

"Are a mistake, and this might be, too, but I don't think it is." With that final remark, Jane pulled Maura to her and kissed her.

There, in the middle of the street, with the sun setting somewhere around them and wind blowing through the leaves of the trees that lined the street, Jane took a very sudden leap of faith.

She was well rewarded. Maura quickly returned the kiss, wrapping her arms around the taller woman and leaning in. As the pulled away, her face clearly showed the bewildered state of her mind. "This is sudden."

"Or not fast enough," Jane shrugged. "We'll work it out, though, right? We always do."

"Well," looking around them, Maura realized where they were, "perhaps we should continue this someplace that isn't the middle of my street?"

"But we will continue this?" The detective's eyes gleamed with mischief.

"Yes, but know this, Jane, that kiss is all you get until we talk about this." Maura linked their arms and began walking back to her house. "This would change so much in our lives."

"Fine." Giving the smaller woman a nudge with her shoulder, Jane smirked. "But, if this ends with anything other than another kiss, I demand ice cream at the end of this."

"That's it?" Maura's eyes sparkled. "Just ice cream or a kiss at then of our talk? That's all you'd like?"

In a faux scandalous voice to the other woman's chuckles, Jane exclaimed, "Maura!" before opening the door and ushering them both inside.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. As always, reviews are appreciated.**


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